Monday, September 27, 2010

silence must be heard

I started several posts in the past month but they were just not working for me hence the silence. One of them had to do with summer's end which I wanted to publish, well, before summer ended. It seems pointless to publish it now and besides, it was a boring post anyways.

I've been thinking about being quiet, silence and just being present which I never seem able to do (the silence I'm talking about is within yourself, your soul). Not every blog post has to be accompanied with words. Not every blog post has to have a story. Not every blog post has to have a lesson. I know it's been said before, but sometimes the end product is not the most important thing rather it's the journey that really counts. The past 3 years have been a painful, slow, and emotional journey. And it hasn't ended. I try to enjoy the ride but I'll tell's so hard. Sometimes, I want to curl up in a ball and wish all the pain and sadness away.

Not every blog post has to have words. Some of the strongest emotional reactions I can remember having are to art-photos, paintings, sculptures. I still remember seeing my first Van Gogh at the Metropolitan Museum. The colors burst off the canvas and I started crying (I have a soft spot for Vincent). Of course, my second life images won't cause a strong anyone! But for once, I don't feel the need to weave some sort of literary hogwash with each picture.

The talking deep within I cannot silence but when it comes to my social interactions it's very easy for me to stay quiet. Especially if I am hurting. Especially if someone has hurt me. Sometimes, I wish people could read my mind and know why I'm sad because by choosing to be silent, they may never know or understand why I am distancing myself from them. Unfortunately, at this point in my life, I'm not big at fixing things that are broken even if they are easily fixable. If it ain't working, I will retreat but I know my actions will change and I will come around. I hope those friends are still there when the silence is lifted.

And the unthinkable has been done. I have talked and talked after I said I was going to do the complete opposite!

I am wearing tees from terri.tees in all the pics. Terri has a unique sense of humor and it shines through in her t-shirt images. It always puts a smile on my face when I log on and see a package of tees waiting for me from her. You will definitely see more of terri.tees in future entries.

There are so many interesting places on the grid that I have yet to discover. I was in a very funky mood when I wrote this-reflective, contemplating, and stressed all rolled into one and it kind of shows through by the places I choice to explore. The last image is of my new piece of land. I'm just renting but now I can use my own trees, houses etc. It will be fun, I think.

Time to shut up now and be silent.

Parktown Zoo
skin: Skin Within, Anaise
hair: couldn't find the hair. will post tp as soon as I find
denim: Artilleri, betsy pants/dark blue
tee: terri.tees

skin: !lmabee, umeka/strawberry pie
hair: Artilleri, trixie
skirt: Artilleri, carla circle skirt
tee: terri.tees

Phonton Pinks

skin: Skin Within, anika raven smoky
hair: Clawtooth, lola's big date
shorts: Artilleri, johanna highwaist shorts
tee: terri.tees

New Home
skin: Skin Within, sheeba
hair: Sari's, silk road dreads
tee: terri.tees